so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize