Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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