at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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