I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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