If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize