Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
