Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
