I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
