i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
