i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
