She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there was a trapeze. enough said
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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