let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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