Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
