Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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