Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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