girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm at about main and main street
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ladies don't puke and tell
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
