I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
