Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
