That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
