Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize