The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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