Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I just put wine in my tea
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
