this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
