life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
