Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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