I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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