why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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