Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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