Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
