it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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