He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
