need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
