i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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