No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
