Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Houston, we have a blender
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
