i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
