oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
