I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
