Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
