eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
