I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
