you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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