And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
