I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
