You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
