i wish there were pregnant emoticons
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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