i dont even know how to be here
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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