he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
