I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
