it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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