haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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