So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
