What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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