I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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