You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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