the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
