I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
