My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
