Where are you?
In a non slutty way
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There r osticjed everywhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
