There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
