my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
