so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize