she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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