My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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