...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
