We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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