We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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