exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize