"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
